Why have I always found myself in some sort of painful situation with a man that breaks my heart just a little bit at a time? I just don’t understand them. I spent the greater part of 2 years agonizing over my heart’s desire of being in a pleasant relationship versus what I think I’ve known to be true about ALL men:
- They are incapable of truly loving someone.
- One girl will never be enough for one man, they will always seek out pleasure from another in some form even if it isn’t adultery.
- At least in my experience, once the honeymoon phase ends, they’ll start to give up on me.
You should know that I never wanted to have this point of view and I’ve been fighting to change it. And right when I was at my breaking point, a lovely lady full of personality and understanding suggested I read just one book.
Now before you write your opposing comment that says “not all men are the same”, “You just haven’t found the one yet”, “how dare you criticize men when women are just as complicated” – This one book has become a tool, one that I’ve confirmed and used in real life situations. And it works for both men AND women alike!
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray, Ph.D, is a slightly comical but evermore practical guide for understanding the emotions, actions, and counteractions between men and women in romantic relationships (though I’ve also found in helpful in communicating with friends of the same and opposite gender).
Throughout the 323 pages, Gray continually comes back to the notion that men and women are from different planets, therefore having different values, ways of expressing themselves, and ways of handling situations – and that when we come together, we often clash and misunderstand words and actions because they are something different than the ways of our “own planet”. Here’s just some of the words that opened my eyes:
“It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.”
“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed… Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.”
“Just as women afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.”
This book is full of teaching acceptance between our two types of biological personalities, and little tips on how to support one another without getting (for lack of a better term) butt hurt over their natural maleness or femaleness.
We learn that a women’s happiness naturally ebbs and flows in order to give the love she needs to give. We also learn that men need to “go into their cave” in order to refresh their sense of self and his ability to give the love that he needs to give. Each of these very natural occurrences seems to cause riffs in relationships.
By understanding such simple differences, I’ve noticed my communication with men (and even women) have strengthened. My relationships have thrived because I am aware that love is not just a feeling, but also an action – giving my significant other the love THEY NEED and not the love I wish to receive from them.
I have fervently recommended this book to almost everyone I know, and even some people I don’t know. Why? Simply put, it’s a book for BOTH men and women to learn about each other in an impartial way. You will love differently, you will experience love differently, and you will begin to accept your maleness or femaleness.
There are 13 chapters. Think of that as 13 days to transforming your relationships and even understanding yourself better!
After reading Men Are Mars, Women Are From Venus, here’s how my above 3 points have changed:
- A man will truly love a woman in his way. (The way martians show Love)
- One girl can be enough for one boy, they must learn how to fulfill each other.
- He may need some time to refresh himself, but he won’t give up on you if he truly loves you.
When I was recommended this book I was told, “It will all seem like common sense, but the truth is, if it were all that common, nearly everyone would be using this information without need for instruction.” And maybe It’s just because I’m a millennial that I need this extra boost of confidence and knowledge to keep going, but those I’ve recommended this book to (of all ages) have had a similar reading experience – some things were already known, but many others were a gracious eye-opener.
Which is why I’m recommending it to you, and the rest of the world. You too, can be 13 days away from transforming your relationship!