I did a difficult thing this week.
I went through my entire Instagram account, and unfollowed every single model and sexualized female advertising their attractiveness.
Good for them, they look fantastic, and I have nothing against them.
But I’ve constantly compared myself to them. I even saved the photos of my “ideal” bodies, just to look through them later with envy and self-hatred.
These women don’t deserve to be viewed that way, though I can imagine they’re greatly flattered that millions of girls long to look like them or even be them! But if I’m going to follow someone on Instagram, it’s because I want to support them, not to invoke jealousy.
I’ve tried to mimic their accounts too, thinking that would make my content more desirable. That obviously didn’t work because it wasn’t me. When I am completely honest with myself and to others, my content and confidence thrive. There is nothing relatable about being fake.
By envying Instagram models and trying to mimic their style, I am saying to other girls that I want them to envy me. And I NEVER want someone to look at me and feel bad about themselves because they are envious of a posed lifestyle I’ve promoted. I wholeheartedly want my content to help girls love themselves more, not give them a reason to judge themselves because they are not like me.
I’ve attempted this deleting spree in the past and was horribly unsuccessful. I didn’t want to let go of this fantasy that they were perfect and in order to motivate myself to be more perfect, I had to continue beating myself up by viewing the photos.
I’m not going to sit here and write to you that the beauty industry is toxic and blame these women for making me feel bad about myself. It’s completely my mindset, and right now, I can’t look at their photos without being selfish and unsatisfied with myself.
I challenge each of you to go through your Instagram account and filter out the negativity. Be honest with yourself about why your following some people. Is it because you truly support them? Or is because you get some weird type of satisfaction by envying these women and feeling discontent with yourself?
Don’t you deserve to love yourself the way you think these women are loved?
This realization hit me hard. Why did I feel as though I was somehow different and unlovable? It is selfish. I am selfish. I don’t deserve that kind of self-hatred, and Instagram models don’t deserve to be blamed for contributing to that. Stop being selfish with Instagram envy!
With difficulty and pain, I am committing myself to nixing comparisons, just being honest, and sharing genuine content!
Are you with me??